Newborn Bonding Father – Don’t Live With Regrets!
First I want to start off by apologizing to anyone of you that in past posts I may have made feel like I am better of a father because of the form I gave advice to you. I am new to blogging and came across someone this week in the platform I belong to who is much more experienced in blogging. His view of how to blog led me to a realization that I have been going about it the wrong way.
From now on I will do my best to present my writing as I really want to present it, as just another father trying his best to improve upon being a father to my children. I never intended to come across as being better if that is the way you read and understood my writing. Now let us turn to this post topic of newborn bonding father and why I don’t want you to live with regrets!
OXYTOCIN BONDING HORMONE
I want to go over first some information on how we bond with our newborns and how the hormone involved is not only found in woman. The hormone is called OXYTOCIN and is found in both men and women. In the research I found it is located in a variety of different organs in the human body. If you like you can read more about this hormone by clicking the link OXYTOCIN above.
It is a hormone that is released in at least four instances from what I found out. When it is released your level of anxiety is reduced. You are more likely to open up with the person you are with and feel closer. Instances where this hormone is released from the body into the bloodstream is while having sex, at the time of orgasm and afterwards. It is the hormone that helps us feel close to the person we just made love to.
Helping others is another time when this hormone is released by the body. Any situation where you have worked with other people whether in need of help like in an emergency or helping a friend move to a new apartment will have released this hormone. When this happens we are more likely to want to help again in the future when someone can use the help or is in need of help in one form or another.
Social interactions is yet another time when the body releases this hormone. When we have social interactions we enjoy and want more time in these situations it is because of OXYTOCIN.
Last but not least is spending time with newborn baby. As most mothers can at least they have strong feelings of closeness and love for their newborn babies. Some even form an attachment before their baby arrives. Fathers also have this ability since the same hormone is found within our bodies and is released to help us bond and form attachments to our babies. It is societal beliefs and our beliefs of what fathers can and can not do that have prevented us from becoming close to our babies.
It is this as fathers that we must work to change within our own minds and that of societies. A lot has changed, society thinks differently now than they did decades ago.
The thing is we can keep continually striving to become better, to work at establishing this concept of the involved father as a societal norm for our children and their children.
Without constant weeding, the weeds will return and overtake the garden. 40 or 50 years is not much time in the grand scale of human history. It is our turn to weed by demonstrating our love for our children by bonding with them.
IMPORTANCE OF FATHER-NEWBORN BONDING
When my son was born my wife and I decided that I would work and she would stay home with our son. It is a decision we made and works for us.
For some reason though I had it in my mind that I did not need to spend as much time with my son as I had with my daughter.
I spent so much time with my daughter when she was a baby, not so with my son. I used to lay with her through the day keeping an eye on her even though she most likely would have been perfectly fine sleeping alone. With my son I guess I had the belief that he is a boy and boys need less attention than girls. See their is another cultural belief or maybe it is a belief I created within my lifetime.
Either way it is one I wish I could undue and go back and spend as much time with him as possible. Please do not make the same mistake I did.
Thankfully about this changed about a year or so ago once he was a little bigger. I began spending more time with him
My love and bonding I now experience with my son is growing stronger and stronger. He is so amazing and intelligent, learns quickly and surprises me daily with things I didn’t even know he learned. He is learning two languages as his mother’s first language is not English. I spend less time with him than her but he picks up words and uses them without needing many tries at it.
Every child is unique and beautiful. Yours is too. My heart is bursting writing this from the love I feel.
For me personally I knew that I have bonded with my children when I feel very protective of them and wanted to protect them from the world
Bonding is important as studies from many years back have shown babies that get little to know attention can be mentally, physically and emotionally at a disadvantage. I have seen some horror stories that made me wonder about humans.
I figure having as many people possible bond with my children including myself is a good thing as each individual will teach their own unique skills, knowledge and abilities. That is useful when they are older.
When they are newborn, who do they have access to the most? Hopefully both the father and the mother. Not many other people will be or should be involved with newborns until they reach a certain age where their immune systems are strong and the babies are able to be with others for an extended period.
It is time as fathers we work first to change our own beliefs on the role of the father in raising children. Hopefully I am completely wrong in my view but I do not believe I am. There is work to be done in this as many people have low expectations of fathers.
Bonding with our children is a gift and privilege. They change you in ways you never thought possible and require you to be flexible. The experience pushes you to go past your limits.
CHANGING OUR BELIEFS AND EXPECTATIONS
As I just touched on we as fathers need to come together to change our beliefs and societal expectations on what it means to be a father.
I have been in many situations where the mere action of me spending time with my children in societies eyes made me a great father.
I want to be recognized for being more than just spending time with my children. I want to be able to take care of their needs, know what they like and do not like whether it be food, entertainment, gifts and so on.
Not long ago when our grandfathers and great grandfathers were alive (70 to 90 years ago) raising children was seen solely as a woman’s job. This has started to change in the last few decades but there is still work needed.
We need to as fathers first understand what WE ARE MISSING OUT ON. When we understand how great of an experience it is to bond with our newborns than we want to do it. Like I did with my son. I regret this every day but am very thankful to have a growing bond with him now.
Think of any activity you love doing and how you were eager to do it. We need this same desire when it comes to our newborns and children.
I bonded with my daughter as a newborn many times by feeding her and sleeping next to her. I feel a very strong bond with her. It came from spending every moment with her that I could.
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HOW TO BOND
Spend all the time you can with your newborn baby. As hard as it may be getting very little sleep and despite what social pressures you may face from society that it is the mother’s job, DO IT for you, DO IT for your spouse, DO IT for your baby.
You will be laying the foundation for a beautiful relationship that will be something which will grow to the point you never thought possible you could love someone so much.
For now though you can begin bonding by having your baby rest on your chest when he is sleeping.
After her mother finishes breastfeeding you can burp your baby to remove the air that becomes trapped in her stomach while feeding.
When your baby is able to receive breast milk from a bottle or formula you can help with feedings. I can tell you there is NOTHING, I MEAN NOTHING I have ever experienced in my life as when I feed my babies milk from a bottle. It was a very strong bonding experience for me.
You can help get your baby to sleep by walking or sitting in a rocking chair to keep your baby moving until they fall asleep. Both of my babies loved motion as I would expect most do too.
When your newborn is old enough you could also consider DRIVING him in your car until asleep.
Other ways you may want to consider bonding can also include singing to your newborn, reading and playing music.
Always a favorite of mine was letting my babies hold one of my fingers while feeding. My son still takes milk from a bottle and has this habit since he was old enough to do it of flicking my bottom lip with his finger while drinking.
Yours baby will have his or her own preferences of what they need in order to relax and go to sleep. I believe these will be things you will come to remember when they are older and no longer needing Daddy to go to sleep.
I encourage you to begin if you have not already to spend more time bonding with your newborn baby. It is never too late to get started, to try your best to connect with your child.
There are so many benefits to doing it from creating a bond with your baby, to having those good feelings following through your body like you get in other situations. It won’t always be pretty, there will be times you are so very tired, sick and just not feeling great but getting that bond with your newborn helps overcome, at least for me it did, a lot of those challenges.
I urge you not to do what I did but not bonding the same way with my son as I did with my daughter. It is time I will not get back nor will your child. It gives them a sense of security and stability having you near them often and when they have needs such as being held as they fall asleep as newborns.
I hope you have found this post helpful in encouraging you to be more active in bonding with your newborn.
It is a stage of their lives that is SO SHORT but one of the SWEETEST times you will get to share with them. Please do not miss out on it.
Leave a comment below on if and how you are bonding with your newborn. If your child is now out of that stage leave a comment below sharing what you did to bong.
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And as I mentioned previously if you are serious about spending more time with your children and looking for a way to do accomplish this go to my review of WEALTHY AFFILIATE to learn how you can achieve this.
Thanks for taking time out of your day to read my post,
Proud Papa of two,