How to have a better life by changing your home culture

How to have a better life by changing your home culture

 

Dying traditional family

traditional family

The traditional family since the 1950’s in most of the “advanced” world has been breaking down. Divorce is as high as it has ever has been in the last 70 years. You may be divorced or know someone who is. You may have been so frustrated with your situation with your spouse that it may have crossed your mind. In popular culture it is everywhere. Since the time you were little how many celebrities got married and than a week, month or year later were divorced?

People consider it sad but part of our modern world and that its better to be divorced than in an unhappy marriage. Not many ask what can they do to change their current situation. Or know the questions to ask in order to find the answers. Your grandparents most likely did not get divorced. Their parents even less likely. Why is it so acceptable today to through in the towel? To give up? Rip your children hearts and reality to pieces because of problems with your spouse? The answer may lie within each family home culture. Every home has a culture. Whether it is loving, nurturing, fun, educational or supportive. Think about going over to a friend or relatives home. Does it feel positive or negative? Think about any family TV show and you will see they present a home culture. People ask themselves how to have a better life. What they should be asking is how they can change their home culture to become a united front.

Previous generations families were more united

unity

I believe more families used to have shared values which created a united home culture. One that was supportive, encouraging, disciplining if needed, guarding each member’s path in life, guarding each member spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically from all internal and external threats. Something has been lost because along the way the majority of families for one reason or another stopped sharing values.

Think of sports teams that are successful. They are successful because a common culture is present within the organization. It is how each member comes to identify him or herself. The common culture demands each individual behave a certain way, think a certain way, support other’s a certain way and above all else the greatest teams players put the TEAM before themselves.

As fathers, we are like the coach on a team, we set the example of how each member will perform within the organization. You establish the vision (with including your spouse of course) for how your family will operate and interact with each other. Your actions, words and consistent deeds will always be required from you to make this a reality. Whether you are just married or have been married 30 years, every single day will require you to perform for your family. So how do you go about creating this change in your home culture. Let’s examine a few ways it is possible to make such a change.

Examine yourself

examine

You will first want to examine yourself.

  • What kind of leader does your family merit?
  • What kind of spouse does your wife merit?
  • What kind of parent do your children merit?
  • What kind of life does your family merit?

You will need to consider if you want your family to be loving, trusting, loyal, enjoy each other’s company, supportive among many other principles you can choose. Remember to be partners with your spouse on this and do not make the decision alone. One big principle that you might want to consider is respect. It is one thing currently many families do not understand it nor know how to show it to other’s.

It all starts with you as the father. You set the tone, you set the work ethic needed to reach your dream home culture with your spouse. As men, we naturally are built to work at whatever the task in front of us is. We need to adopt the mentality of working on our home culture until we drop of exhausted. Mothers and women can not do this alone, they need you in this to change the current state of home cultures. You do this by setting family principles.

Set family principles

principles

Together with your wife you will need to decide on principles you want to live by. Decide on what is important. If being healthy mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually is important than go about bringing that into reality. If its to persevere when things get tough than do that. You are the only one who knows your vision for your family. Without these family principles our modern life will rip apart and spit out you and your family. Principles are like guide posts telling you when you are in danger and need to turn around to avoid danger. They are a good thing, there protecting your loved ones. As father, you are the enforcer, protector, guardian of your family principles. When your child is getting pulled in many directions by outside distractions, you need to remind him of your family principles.

Example, one of your principles is hard work and that your children do their best to achieve good grades. You see your child is distracted by outside influences and not working as hard at achieve good grades. You need to tell your child that until their effort level and grades start improving there will be a restriction of outside influences. Consistently acting in manners such as this will lead to your home culture being established.

Consistent action will lead to a positive home culture

happy family

Remember great sports teams and their culture of winning. They had a culture of expectations, responsibilities and ways to behave. They did not always succeed but they were achieved success more often than teams with a broken culture. Their ways of practicing, the way they approached the game more often than not consisted of consistent positive action.

Same thing occurs with a family home culture. Consistent principles being demonstrated by the father whether positive or negative will shape the home culture. Your spouse and children will follow suit. Try this next time anybody is speaking really loudly with you. Speak in a calm and quiet voice and see what the other person does. With your persistence the other person will lower their voice to met your level.

Decide to create a positive home culture for your family. With your spouse input and agreement on the vision you can create the dream into reality.

Maybe not talk with spouse if…

upset

One note, if things are not great between you and your wife maybe talking about things will not be the best thing to do at this time. It is better for you to decide to create positive changes for your home culture on your own at this time. At a later time you can bring your spouse in when things are better.

You may want to check out the book Save the Marriage by Lee H Baucom if you find yourself in this position currently. He deals with how to manage your marriage if things are not great between you and your spouse.

Conclusion

In conclusion you learned why its important to establish a positive home culture. You can do this by examining yourself and principles you desire to follow. You learned how consistent action leads to a positive change occurring in your home culture.

 

 

 

 

 

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12 thoughts on “How to have a better life by changing your home culture”

  • Jody, I really liked your post. It does hit home, The father and mother should be teaching what suppose to be. Now days, even if you teach your children the right thing to do, sometimes when they grow up they do not remember this. We have talked to different people when we are out and they say the same thing. So how do you get your children to take care of mom and dad once they leave the home is another question you can look into. Some kids are very well behaved at home, do well in school and once they met their mate it all goes out the window. Thanks for writing and hope this helps. Ron

    • Hello Ronald,

      Thanks for your comment and thank you for the topic of grown children taking care of their parents. I will consider investigating this. It is a very valid topic to consider as we all will require someone to take care of us as we age.

      Have a great day!

      Jody

  • Hello!

    Thanks for sharing!

    I think a lot of today’s generation needs to read this!

    Everything starts in the home, if your home is off balance then it creates a downward spiral for most children and their behaviors growing up. Children follow by example.

    I really enjoyed reading and can use some of these helpful tips in my household.

    Again thanks for sharing!

    All the best,

    Jennifer

    • Hello Jennifer,

      I hope you are doing well today!

      I am glad you found some of the information useful! Hopefully it can help your family.

      Being a parent is supposed to be about putting your child above your own needs. It’s never to late to make positive changes for our children and create balance in the household. 

      I believe for the majority of mothers instinctively they put their children needs first.

      Fathers have enormous power to shape, create and influence their families. It is not only the job of mothers to do this work. Regardless of the circumstances that helped shape us fathers into who we are today we need to become active in our home lives. 

      I have seen men swear they will be their for their children always because their own fathers were not. The pain these men felt still is with them even as adults. Whether a father is physically present and absent emotionally, spiritually, financially or physically absent the pain is real for his children regardless.

      Fathers need to hear messages like these, examine themselves, decide on what they need to change so as not to inflict pain on their children. 

      Please feel free to leave a comment whenever you have any questions or ideas to add.

      Have a great day!

      Jody

  • Hi Jody, I was really moved by your article because I am attached to a lot of the points in your article in with family right now. There’s no need to try to sugar coat anything as you said since the 1950s families are staying together as grandparents and great-grandparents did. We are more opted to get a divorce than work it out. I can’t seem to understand what is the difference between now and back then yeah technology has a lot to do with it but the love she still be the same coming from each other’s heart.
    I really appreciate the article thank you again for the pointers.

    • Hello Quinn, 

      Thanks for leaving your comment and I am happy to know you related to the points. 

      One thing that has changed is the influence of religion. I believe its declining influence has contributed to the current situation.

      Thanks again and have a great day!

      Jody

  • Hi Jody,I maintain in our household, that my husband and I are on the same page where the kids are concerned.  So one child doesn’t ask something – get a “no” and then go to the other parent.  We have to be in sync for it to work as a happy family unit.  Especially now that I have 2 teenage boys and 1 daughter who is 20.  

    And being consistent about how we operate our household is key too.  Really good article Jody.Sharon

    • Hello Sharon,

      I am glad you enjoyed the article!

      Being united when it comes to how to raise the children as you said is very important. If there is an imbalance problems can arise and with teenagers even more so.

      That is great you have a plan in place. You are both an inspiration!

      Thanks for your comment!

      Proud papa of two,

      Jody

  • Hi Jody,
    I maintain in our household, that my husband and I are on the same page where the kids are concerned. So one child doesn’t ask something – get a “no” and then go to the other parent. We have to be in sync for it to work as a happy family unit. Especially now that I have 2 teenage boys and 1 daughter who is 20.

    And being consistent about how we operate our household is key too. Really good article Jody.
    Sharon

    • Hello Sharon,

      I believe children need what you and your husband are maintaining, an united front on matters concerning your children.

      Children naturally seek out cracks in the armor that is your parenting to use it to their advantage.

      But in my opinion they are much happier and content when there is not a division existing in their home.

      Glad you enjoyed the article.

      Proud papa of two,

      Jody

  • The title of your blog post really pulled me in. I am a single mom of two teenage daughters. Due to a tragic accident that rendered be disabled I think I have felt guilty over the last several years for not being able to be the mom I always envisioned. I think this guilt has caused me to be quite a pushover when it comes to establishing rules and a culture, as you say. It’s kind of hard going it alone and I always keep hoping things will fall into a good place on their own. Reading your post makes me realize that I as the parent, am responsible for trying to get things into that good place. Just not sure how to do it. I think your post has motivated me to take an active step to figure it out and try to get things where our home could be a better place.

    • Hello Lynne,

      First of let me say I believe you have the hardest job in the world being a single mother, so please be easy on yourself. 

      I am sorry about your accident and disability.

      May I recommend you first pray, pray for guidance, pray to have people and solutions you desire to come into your life. Pray for role models. Nobody is alone in this world if they do not want to be.  

       Pray with all your heart. I did and it led me to Wealthy Affiliate. Maybe you can give it an honest effort? Could it hurt do to so?

      Proud papa of two,

      Jody

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