How to have a better life by changing your home culture
Dying traditional family
The traditional family since the 1950’s in most of the “advanced” world has been breaking down. Divorce is as high as it has ever has been in the last 70 years. You may be divorced or know someone who is. You may have been so frustrated with your situation with your spouse that it may have crossed your mind. In popular culture it is everywhere. Since the time you were little how many celebrities got married and than a week, month or year later were divorced?
People consider it sad but part of our modern world and that its better to be divorced than in an unhappy marriage. Not many ask what can they do to change their current situation. Or know the questions to ask in order to find the answers. Your grandparents most likely did not get divorced. Their parents even less likely. Why is it so acceptable today to through in the towel? To give up? Rip your children hearts and reality to pieces because of problems with your spouse? The answer may lie within each family home culture. Every home has a culture. Whether it is loving, nurturing, fun, educational or supportive. Think about going over to a friend or relatives home. Does it feel positive or negative? Think about any family TV show and you will see they present a home culture. People ask themselves how to have a better life. What they should be asking is how they can change their home culture to become a united front.
Previous generations families were more united
I believe more families used to have shared values which created a united home culture. One that was supportive, encouraging, disciplining if needed, guarding each member’s path in life, guarding each member spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically from all internal and external threats. Something has been lost because along the way the majority of families for one reason or another stopped sharing values.
Think of sports teams that are successful. They are successful because a common culture is present within the organization. It is how each member comes to identify him or herself. The common culture demands each individual behave a certain way, think a certain way, support other’s a certain way and above all else the greatest teams players put the TEAM before themselves.
As fathers, we are like the coach on a team, we set the example of how each member will perform within the organization. You establish the vision (with including your spouse of course) for how your family will operate and interact with each other. Your actions, words and consistent deeds will always be required from you to make this a reality. Whether you are just married or have been married 30 years, every single day will require you to perform for your family. So how do you go about creating this change in your home culture. Let’s examine a few ways it is possible to make such a change.
You will first want to examine yourself.
- What kind of leader does your family merit?
- What kind of spouse does your wife merit?
- What kind of parent do your children merit?
- What kind of life does your family merit?
You will need to consider if you want your family to be loving, trusting, loyal, enjoy each other’s company, supportive among many other principles you can choose. Remember to be partners with your spouse on this and do not make the decision alone. One big principle that you might want to consider is respect. It is one thing currently many families do not understand it nor know how to show it to other’s.
It all starts with you as the father. You set the tone, you set the work ethic needed to reach your dream home culture with your spouse. As men, we naturally are built to work at whatever the task in front of us is. We need to adopt the mentality of working on our home culture until we drop of exhausted. Mothers and women can not do this alone, they need you in this to change the current state of home cultures. You do this by setting family principles.
Set family principles
Together with your wife you will need to decide on principles you want to live by. Decide on what is important. If being healthy mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually is important than go about bringing that into reality. If its to persevere when things get tough than do that. You are the only one who knows your vision for your family. Without these family principles our modern life will rip apart and spit out you and your family. Principles are like guide posts telling you when you are in danger and need to turn around to avoid danger. They are a good thing, there protecting your loved ones. As father, you are the enforcer, protector, guardian of your family principles. When your child is getting pulled in many directions by outside distractions, you need to remind him of your family principles.
Example, one of your principles is hard work and that your children do their best to achieve good grades. You see your child is distracted by outside influences and not working as hard at achieve good grades. You need to tell your child that until their effort level and grades start improving there will be a restriction of outside influences. Consistently acting in manners such as this will lead to your home culture being established.
Consistent action will lead to a positive home culture
Remember great sports teams and their culture of winning. They had a culture of expectations, responsibilities and ways to behave. They did not always succeed but they were achieved success more often than teams with a broken culture. Their ways of practicing, the way they approached the game more often than not consisted of consistent positive action.
Same thing occurs with a family home culture. Consistent principles being demonstrated by the father whether positive or negative will shape the home culture. Your spouse and children will follow suit. Try this next time anybody is speaking really loudly with you. Speak in a calm and quiet voice and see what the other person does. With your persistence the other person will lower their voice to met your level.
Decide to create a positive home culture for your family. With your spouse input and agreement on the vision you can create the dream into reality.
Maybe not talk with spouse if…
One note, if things are not great between you and your wife maybe talking about things will not be the best thing to do at this time. It is better for you to decide to create positive changes for your home culture on your own at this time. At a later time you can bring your spouse in when things are better.
You may want to check out the book Save the Marriage by Lee H Baucom if you find yourself in this position currently. He deals with how to manage your marriage if things are not great between you and your spouse.
In conclusion you learned why its important to establish a positive home culture. You can do this by examining yourself and principles you desire to follow. You learned how consistent action leads to a positive change occurring in your home culture.